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Re: [Merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal
The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials, and in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses.
1. †œNow doctor, isnââ‚ ¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢t it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t know about it until the next morning?ââ‚ ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
2. †œThe youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?ââ‚ ¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â
3. †œWere you present when your picture was taken?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
4. †œWere you alone or by yourself?ââ‚ ¬ÂÂÂ
5. †œWas it you our your younger brother who was killed in the war?ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
6. †œDid he kill you?ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
7. †œHow far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?ââ ¬ÂÂÂ
8. †œYou were there until the time you left, is that true?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
9. †œHow many times have you committed suicide?ââ‚ ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
10. Q: †œSo the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œYes.⠃¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œAnd what were you doing at the time?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
11. Q: †œShe had three children, right?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œYes.⠃¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œHow many were boys?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œNone.â €ÂÂÂ
Q: †œHow many were girls?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
12. Q: †œYou say the stairs went down to the basement?ââ‚ ¬ÂÂÂ
A: †œYes.⠃¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œAnd these stairs, did they go up also?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
13. Q: †œMr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon didnââ‚ ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t you?ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œI went to Europe, Sir.ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œAnd you took your new wife?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
14. Q: †œHow was your first marriage terminated?ââ ¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œBy death.ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œAnd by whoââ‚ ¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s death was it terminated?ââ ¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
15. Q: Can you describe the individual?ââ ¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œHe was about medium height and had a beard.ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œWas this a male, or a female?ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
16. Q: †œIs your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?ââ‚ ¬ÂÂÂ
A: †œNo, this is how I dress when I go to work.ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
17. Q: †œDoctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œAll my autopsies are preformed on dead people.ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
18. Q: †œAll your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?ââ‚ ¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â
A: †œOral.â €ÂÂÂ
19. Q: †œDo you recall the time you examined the body?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œAnd Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œNo, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.ââ‚ ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
20. Q: †œYou were not shot in the fracas?ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œNo, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
21. Q: †œAre you qualified to give a urine sample?ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œI have been since early childhood.ââ ¬ÂÂÂ
22. Q: †œDoctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œNo.âà ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œDid you check for blood pressure?ââ‚ ¬ÂÂÂ
A: †œNo.âà ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œDid you check for breathing?ââ ¬ÂÂÂ
A: †œNo.âà ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œSo, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?ââ‚ ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œNo.âà ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œHow can you be sure, doctor?ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ
A: †œBecause his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Q: †œBut could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?â↚¬ÂÂÂ
A: †œIt is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.ââ ¬ÂÂÂ
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